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An ongoing series of informational entries about being single, dating, relationships, communication, and getting your act together so you're ready for a healthy relationship!
Here’s a quick quiz to gauge your personality. Be honest.
by Scott Barry Kaufman
People are Hiding Behind the Self-Description of "Introvert" When They're Really Being Neurotic
August 7, 2020
Ok, I'm going to say something here that is probably unpopular (and YAY, it has NOTHING to do with COVID, masks, vaccines, politics, etc)! Until I read this article, I was kind of hesitant to speak on the subject. I found some interesting side nuggets in this article...I'll post the link below....and would LOVE your thoughts!!!
ᴡᴀʏ ᴛᴏᴏ ᴍᴀɴʏ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʜɪᴅɪɴɢ ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴇʟꜰ-ᴅᴇꜱᴄʀɪᴘᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ "ɪɴᴛʀᴏᴠᴇʀᴛ" ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪɴꜱᴛᴇᴀᴅ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴀʀᴇ ᴅᴇᴀʟɪɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ꜱʜʏɴᴇꜱꜱ, ꜱᴇɴꜱᴏʀʏ ᴘʀᴏᴄᴇꜱꜱɪɴɢ ꜱᴇɴꜱɪᴛɪᴠɪᴛʏ, ᴀɴxɪᴇᴛʏ, ʟᴏᴡ ꜱᴇʟꜰ-ᴇꜱᴛᴇᴇᴍ, ʟᴀᴄᴋ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴇʟꜰ-ᴄᴏɴꜰɪᴅᴇɴᴄᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ/ᴏʀ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ɴᴇᴜʀᴏᴛɪᴄ.
˜”*°•.˜”*°• 𝘽𝙊𝙊𝙈! •°*”˜.•°*”˜
From the article:
"...they kept mixing together many different traits under the general umbrella 'introversion.' For instance, some lists include shyness-related behaviors, but it's well documented that shyness is not the same thing as introversion. Shyness is more related to being anxious and neurotic. There are plenty of introverts who prefer alone time but really aren't anxious or shy when interacting with other people.
Another common misconception perpetuated ... is that introversion and sensory processing sensitivity are the same things. Actually, sensory processing sensitivity is not the same thing as introversion. There are plenty of socially introverted folks who can deal with loud sounds and bright lights, even though they may get emotionally drained from too many superficial social interactions. Vice versa, there are plenty of socially extraverted individuals who get overstimulated by sensory input. A number of studies support the idea that sensory processing sensitivity is much more strongly linked to anxiety (neuroticism) and openness to experience than introversion. "
Therefore, you can be an introvert and be 100% ok with new situations, public speaking, meeting people, and much more! If not, there's a deeper issue at play. Get help...or at least get honest with yourself.
It wasn't until I joined an introvert group on Facebook that I realized what a HUGE difference between the definition I have for "introvert" (drawing energy from being alone; turning one's thoughts inwards) versus what the people on the page seemed to define as introverts (socially awkward, sensory sensitivity issues, shyness, anxious to be with others, wanting to not leave the house, etc.).
I used to be a lot more shy. In fact, when I tell people that I'm shy, they looked at me with a shocked expression and say, "YOU?!? Shy?! No." But it was a label I had put on myself when I was young and I thought it was true because of the fear I felt inside. I thought that people who weren't shy didn't have any problem getting up in front of others. Then I started hearing about all the celebrities that got physically ill before performing...out of fear. And it changed my outlook. I started thinking that there was a way out of my self imposed prison of shyness.
SHY -- It was a label that I stuck to so strongly that in 1998, when my brother asked me to do the readings for his wedding ceremony, I told him no because I was too shy to speak in front of adults. He couldn't figure it out because I was a teacher...I spoke in front of kids all day. I told him that kids were different....I could get down on all fours and bark like a dog in front of kids! But I couldn't even give a talk in front of adults. I regretted that SO much that over the next 10 years I started agreeing (or even volunteering) to speak at public events as much as I possibly could to get over my shyness...which was really just under-confidence. And the more I talked, the easier it got. (It is most difficult when I have no idea what to say. Duh. But when I have it all written out, I'm at ease. lol) I even wrote and read my mother's eulogy and practiced it so many times crying that when I gave it, I could be clear and smooth. This past year, I've made it part of my business model by giving classes and leading speed dating events...and with each one, I'm improving my skills and raising my confidence. I'm far from perfect...and I look forward to the improvements of becoming really smooth and remembering everything I want to say!
So, in summary, if you want to be different in some way because it is affecting your quality of life, then DO SOMETHING about it. I'm really thankful for that pivotal point when I was so disappointed in saying no to read at my brother's wedding because I was too fearful that I started changing my actions and behavior. Please don't hide behind "shyness", "introvert", or any other label if you're struggling with other issues. Get help. Or just help yourself.
The Five Love Languages
May 15, 2019
There's an amazing book by Dr. Gary Chapman that teaches us about the concept of "Love Languages". In this book, Chapman tells us that there are 5 different ways to SHOW and to RECEIVE love and it can be different for each person. Knowing your own love language as well as those around you, can help bridge the communication gap.
The FIVE Love Languages Are:
(in no particular order):
Acts of Service
Words of Affirmation
How do you know which one(s) are your favorite method? Just look at the list and see which ones you would like your significant other would do for you. If that is too hard, there is a quiz on Dr. Gary Chapman's website. (Click here for to be taken to that website.)
Be aware that your "giving" love language may not be the same as your receiving love language. But even more important, is knowing what your partner needs and wants so they feel loved. Having that open conversation about what FEELS good is very important.
Dr. Gary Chapman has numerous books about Love Languages for singles, parents, teenagers, children, etc.
Don't Just Live in the Present ... BE Present.
August 7, 2018
Live in the present...BE present. This is something that I have been consciously working on over the past probably 10 years and getting better as I go. Let me tell you, it has DRAMATICALLY & DRASTICALLY cut my anxiety down to almost nothing on a daily level. It used to be a surge of panic/stress multiple times an HOUR!!! (I remember the exact day I became acutely aware that this was not normal...because it sure was "normal" for me!)
I still have times of, "Holy cow, what should I do NOW?" or "HOW am I going to do THIS?!" ...especially as a single woman navigating a couple huge moves and doing what I can to build an amazing multifaceted business for myself for the last 6 years. (Yes! My business has survived over 6 years already and I've been away from teaching that long too!)
I feel like that panic and anxiety mode that my body and mind went to SO many times a day was like an old friend (or maybe an old glove) and was definitely a habit that "felt normal" therefore it kind of felt "right". However, it also was draining and stressful and no fun! I really couldn't stand it anymore.
I remember when I first started teaching myself that I could mentally override it, I would still be having one "attack" after another. The "attacks" could NOT be seen from the outside...but the roll of emotions through me was definitely real to me. It was awful.
Every now and then, it rears it's head, and I'm like, "Oh, I remember this feeling! Hi old friend...here's a hug...now be on your way. I don't play that way anymore." I can now revel in that feeling of LETTING IT GO. Letting go of the fear. And then I smile. 😀😁😊 Ahhhh...that feels better!
What a difference learning this skill has had in my life! For me now, it's learning the balance between being DRIVEN / DISCIPLINED with being present. I can be both but without the stress of panic. There's enough stress in business and life without panic. lol
Anyone who would like to talk with me about it is welcome to contact me. ❤ I would not have been able to take the risks I've taken (good or bad) and done the cool things I've done, if I hadn't learned to start "taming the beast".
And my story is still being written! lol. In fact, I'm off on another couple adventures with my business here in Spokane and it IS exhilarating! It COULD BE terrifying if I let the beast run my thoughts and feelings...but I already learned that FEAR IS NO FUN!
[side note: Do you know what is fun to me? Embracing the risks and running with them...and making up my business based on how I want to live. When I was teaching at an elementary school, it felt like the opposite...my "work" determined how I was living. It determined my pay, when I had to work, when I had time off, when I had to stay late or arrive early, WHERE I had to work, etc. There are definitely benefits, though, that I miss, like knowing WHEN I was getting paid and how much, expectations were pretty clear and the road was laid out in front of me so I always knew where I was headed.]
I'm Starting to Use the Fascia Blaster by Ashley Black!
August 8 2020
Oh my goodness! I am SO excited! Have you heard of fascia? Have you heard of fascia expert Ashley Black? She created Fascia Blaster and wait until you see what it can do! I'm going to start to using it this week and I'll record some of my milestones. You can get your own or read about it here..or just ignore this post if you don't have any problem areas on your body.
HERE ARE JUST SOME OF WHAT THEY FOUND AFTER 90 DAYS OF USE:
(BACKED BY SCIENCE!!)
Go to the website using our link for:
(in no particular order):
PREVIOUS LOVE BLOGS
An ongoing series of informational entries
September 30, 2018
October 4, 2018
November 7, 2018